There were over 300 cuts on my arm october last year. Over 300. Thats alot of cuts. And in the past year 99% of them have disappeared leaving a very faint white line. This makes me so angry. This makes me so upset. When these all fade away I think ill cry. They have been apart of me for a year and now they are just fading away. Soon I wont recognize my arm anymore because of them going away. This doesnt make me feel good, this is the complete opposite. I hate that they are disappearing. The more my mum praisea how they are almost gone the more I die inside. The more I want to slice my arm up exactly how it used to look like. I miss my cuts, I miss how they made me feel. I miss the burning sensation of when I laid on my arm. I miss the bandaids and I miss the blood. I miss my blood pouring out from my wrist. Most of all I miss being so close to ending my life. I know people will say how proud they are of my cuts being gone. But they have no idea that the demons still lurk inside my mind every second of every day. They are still there whether they are screaming at me or whispering in my mind. They are there and they won’t leave. No one can understand. Well. No one of my close friends understand what goes on in my head. If they did, they wouldn’t be my friends. With the amount of self doubt, hatred and non-human thoughts I have. I wouldnt be suprised if any of them never talked to me again. Im not even that scared anymore of my thoughts. They seem normal now, which I should be scared about. Im close to not talking to anyone again. I now live far enough to make that happen. To make sure no one can ever find me or talk to me again. But I know I would miss them. So instead I hide my thoughts, I dont cut and I pretend everythings okay. When really Im close to giving up on life. Im ready to say goodbye.